moschikat's Journal

9:01AM - A New Year's Resolution.....

I'm never updating this thing... I don't know why I don't... I just don't ... I guess that's why I picked it for this...

I'll be flipping through this probably at this time next year and look across this and (maybe) laugh at it....

Taurus Horoscope for Week of December 28, 2006
Though millions of other people may be flirting with glamorous badness and crafty nastiness in 2007, I bet you'll have a minimal attraction to negativity, no matter how interesting it might allegedly be. Drama kings and drama queens may try to seduce you into the crazy chaos they stir up through their addiction to pain, but you'll be pretty immune to their temptations. Seemingly reasonable people might hope you'll buy into their gloom and doom, but you'll be too smart for that. Congratulations in advance for your determination to be free of the stupid suffering that so many people love to entertain themselves with.

From Free Will Astrology

2007 Snapshot for Taurus
A Year of Wealth and Abundance
Want more money? What red-blooded Taurus doesn't? As one of the signs most concerned with material wealth, you'll be thrilled to know that 2007 brings great new opportunities for abundance. And if that's not sweet enough music for your ears, you also may get a chance to put down roots in a place of your own. There's a catch though: you have to be willing to embrace the changes ahead. This is never easy for the careful, steady Bull. Whether stuck in an unfulfilling relationship or a dead-end job, Taurus often prefers of plod along in silent suffering rather than taking a leap into the unknown. If you dare take risks this year, the payoff will be beyond your wildest expectations. Use your 2007 forecast to help you move mountains and accomplish the impossible!
From: Astro Center

Make Resolutions Stick According to Your Sign
The tradition of making New Year's resolutions dates back to the Babylonians, who believed that one's behavior on the first day of the year would have an effect for the following 12 months.

Eventually, making resolutions turned into a reflection on past mistakes and a vow to do better in the future. Whatever the origins, people have been breaking them ever since!

Thankfully, we can use astrology to make and keep our New Year's resolutions. By knowing the best time for losing weight, getting rid of a bad habit, or changing your behavior, you vastly increase your chance of success! And who says the best time is January 1? To find out the right dates for making important changes, your best bet is a comprehensive yearly forecast.

Meanwhile, here are some resolutions to consider, depending on your Sun Sign:
Taurus:
(April 20 - May 20)
1) Resolve to let go of the personal duties that have had you tied down for far too long.
2) Aim to have some fun (you remember that, right?) with an intimate companion.
3) In spring, resolve to look into good, solid investments.
4) Take your special someone on a romantic vacation.
5) If all goes well, talk about settling down by this time next year.

From: AstroCenter

Right. What's up with all of this taking chances and settling down by this time next year?? I think it's just called old age. Or maybe it's cuz' you know ... I'm actually starting to wise up about stuff... hmm we'll see.

Happy Hollies ya'll!

6:23PM - depression...

well... it seems like for the past month, i've been stuck in a rut of depression that has set in for no apparent goddamn reason.

i don't realy know what my whole issue is - really, I mean, I have it really great... the only problem is ... now what? now what now what?

25, have job, almost done with degree, steady boyfriend. and i feel like the entire universe just doesn't make sense anymore.

perhaps its the added responsibility that comes with a WS degree that you're supposed to put theory into action, but I - the hypocritical third culture kid - has rejected all forms of monetary aid and now i'm SCRWED.

well, that and alongside getting married and then divorcing the physical abuse and getting the debt that came along with it.

i mean, seriously, i live in tucson. where the hell am i going to EVER have the use for an opera gown?

i'm having serious culture withdrawal, maybe it's the whole idea that i'm craving moving again. that and m.c.'s been great about supporting my continuous psychotic episodes.

argh.

3:55PM

In the recent weeks I have returned from my trip to Asia, I've come to the revelation that I am, forever will be, and LOVE being a bitch.

It's because I moved to the Southwest/ West Coast that has made me soft.

SO - this is validation for my bitchiness:

Taken from Free Will Astrology

"There was a personalized California license plate on the yellow Hummer I saw today. It said "U Move." I took this to be the driver's announcement that he was king of the road and had no obligation to watch where he was going. He seemed to be saying that if you had a problem with him, you should get the hell out of his way. In the moment, I took this to be an idiotic communication from a belligerent jerk, but when I studied your astrological aspects for the coming week I realized it was actually a good motto for you to adopt. For a limited time only, you have the right to proclaim the following to anyone who thinks you should be anywhere else besides where you are: "No, you move."

Got it?

So, despite all of that - I also realized after making my mistake of blatantly hitting on a boy whom I THOUGHT was gay, and turned out NOT to be - that it was cuz' he said that he went to Stanford that increased my attraction to him.

Why is this important?

I'm not sure, but I think there is something to do with my Asian upbringing and the glorification of wealth, class and status.

Ironically enough, when I had everything handed to me on a silver platter, I was extremely depressed and most of the time under some mind-altering substance or another.

(well, that and I just realized that my upbringing has given me the bad habit of having an insanely expensive beauty regimen. I only found this out when I was trying to look up prices for most of the products I have had given to me from the time I was 12 -_-' $100 for creams and lotions? Yeah . . . .mang. I sure was spoiled as shit.)

But I digress . . .

What's the point of this rambling non-sense?

I'm just trying to sort shit out . . . I feel that it helps me a little when I get it all out there in the open.

My *trained and conditioned* response to my friend the other day, while in jest - was, "You're working class, and your parents didn't go to college, and under most circumstances - if I was living in Asia, we would probably never hang out."

Holy shit?!?! Am I a bitch or what?!?!!?

So there in lies my problem, I USED to be that way, and I think taking this trip back just renewed my feelings on all of that. The only difference is, I'm hoping I've changed.

Plus, this kind of weighs heavily on my future.

I don't know what I'm going to to next Thursday, let alone 12 months from now.

My options that I've been milling over?

1) Move to Europe - yes, I'm broadening my perspective to Europe now instead of JUST Paris or JUST France. *Apparently, my mother's relatives are living there so I always have a place to crash if I need to.*

What would I do in Europe? I don't know, bum around, write a lot, work in a cafe, have odd jobs and HOPEFULLY pose for some prestigious art class and defer all of my debts and loans until I get back!!

2) Move to Thailand. And do what? I have absolutely no idea, maybe get some sort of job that some sort of somebody would get for me? Write some more and bum around some more with my friends.And then what? Defer all my debts and loans until I get back!

3) Stay in Tucson. And do what? Find some regular full time job to pay off my debts and loans and try to take some responsibility for my past? The only problem is, Tucson is giving me writer's block, maybe it's because it's so slow during the summer?

4) Stay in the States and go crash on people's couches!?!? I have a bajillion and one friends scattered all over the North American continent. I could write, be completely broke ass, and still defer all my loans and debts until I settle.

What the hell is my problem? I want to do the Europe thing cuz' I'm young now and I can probably still get around more than if I were older. That and I don't have any money for pick pockets to steal!?!?

I want to do the Thailand thing because there is a life of insane luxury and spoiled rottenness. BUT - I think it would just be retroactive of me to do so.

Stay in Tucson? For how many more years? Sure I might be able to stabilize my life and what not, but I'm just a nomad like that. It's been almost 3 years, I don't think I could stay for any longer.

Roam the States? There's an option! But on the other hand, I wouldn't want to burden my friends and what would I do for money?

Cheeehh?!!? I hate making decisions and thinking about this shit. If you have any suggestions, let me know. Identity crisis girl here?!?!?!?!

Edit: I just spell checked and there's nothing wrong with my spelling. Only the slang words.
Holy fuck I should really be a writer. But I'm just not THAT competitive, and I don't think I'm all that great -_-' Meh.

1:02PM - *match maker match maker . . . *

Make me a match, find me a find . . . catch me a catch . . .

I've got this boy's number, and that boy's number - and yet, in reality? I've never met them before in my life.

Although I HAVE been talking to a couple of these people for almost what? Eight years now? How strange is that. *Yes, Online bitches* I figure the bar scene was like our parent's dating arena. . . . for our generation it's the internet.

Most people have a catch and release policy. Mine is a fuck and dump policy. Once I fuck you, I dump you.

And people wonder why I'm single!?!?!?

Heeding the warning signs from my spa job, and the fine suggestions from fellow online-bloggers/LJers, xangers and what not - I don't know how to handle this job situation. . .

I'm addicted to the money I make there on a good day, but it's getting a little more rare that I have more than two or three clients. Even then, I make about $30 an hour. Yesterday, I only had one client, which averages out to about $3 an hour.

Fucking shit.

On the other hand, do I wait before I quit this job? I already have a job! At the coffee shop!?!? But then again, what if I don't get hired at the mall or some other brainless job I'd like??

*insecurity peeping out I know*

JG said to me the other night (and this is why he's going to be my 5th Jewish husband - yes I've got all my husbands lined up until number 7. Although I'm *technically* third marriage right now - second if you don't count the girl - and I THOUGHT it was going to be *the boy* previously - but I'm scrapping that since he's acutally a closet commitment freak) - anyway off that tangent,

JG said to me - "Baby, you're pretty, smart and talented. Any ONE of these things should get you a job!"

*huggles* I heart JG.

*HUGEINSECURITYRANTAHEAD- You've been warned.*

So, there's this part of me who wants to be the money grubbing whore - all label crazy and Paris Hilton wannabe you know?

BUT - there's this other part of me who doesn't really give a shit if I've only got $11 to my name, I don't have real jobs, and I'll be in college forever in debt. As long as I'm happy.

Its like the single-dom dilemma. Do I want to be *attached*? Or should I just ride it out?

Aiya?!?!? I have being Charlie-Brownish. I wish I could just make up my mind about these things.

12:56PM - Pick me up . . .

I'm having a bad day today.

I'm at work - and for the past three weeks, I've been working everyday. But today - I just don't have what it takes to deal with stupid peoples antics. And that guy that always comes in. He's just like a character out of Seinfeld - like the George Costanza character. Complains about everything, picks up his one piece of chocolate out of the trashcan (that's still wrapped, but he says since he paid for it . . ) - asks us for low sodium V8 etc etc etc.

Dear god give me the strength to make it til 6.

I wish you would / come pick me up / take me out / fuck me up / steal my records / screw all my friends / they're all full of shit / with a smile on your face / and do it again . .

1) Ryan Adams - Come Pick me Up
2) Stars - Heart
3) Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life
4) Boa - Every Heart
5) Yokko Kanno - Wo Qui Non

There days like these that I wake up with a fuzzy head. Last night I got off work around 11 and out of sheer necessity, had to go to the grocery store for toilet paper *yeah sexy I know* - and then I don't know what hit me or why, but I decided to go wander around Casa Video for some Wong Kar Wai . . .

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without having to take her clothes off. But its better if you do." - I OWN it now bitches.
The Closer DVD is MINE.

Anyway, I ended up re-watching Days of Being Wild, and going through the filmographies - I didn't know Christopher Doyle did the cinematography for "Last Life in the Universe" - or maybe I knew, but didn't remember? Either way, I want that DVD too, but I think it's most likely impossible to find.

I'm still in this weird funk of a mood. And I think only after recieving an e-mail from the company I'm going to sign on to be a promoter for did it make it worse.

They asked me to tell them my career goals, life expectations, GPA and how long I might be in Tucson.

I don't fucking know.

I don't know anything anymore.

And the worst part about all of this? I got an e-mail today from <A HREF="http://www.eharmony.com> E-Harmony </A> saying that they found a match for me. A 30 year-old yoga instructor. A THIRTY YEAR OLD!?!? And then it hit me. <I>Oh. I'm 24. That's only a 6 year difference. I prefer older men anyway. </I> <I><B>Bloody hell. I'm 6 years away from 30. </I> </B> I just know it. I'm going to end up the dingy crazy cat lady. <I>Why couldn't I just be happy to fall in love with a boy that loves me? A REALLY nice boy that loves / loved me? </I>

10:01AM - oh for goodness sake?!

When you left /I lost a part of me /It's still so hard to believe / Come back baby please, 'cause / We belong together / Who else am I gonna lean on / When times get rough / Who's gonna talk to me on the phone / Till the sun comes up / Who's gonna take your place /There ain't nobody better / We belong together . . .

Yeah I know okay? I'm pathetic and sappy as crap. But I never really paid attention to the lyrics until yesterday while I was sweeping up the shop. (And yes I REALIZE that its a Pariah Crappy song, but hey, sometimes you just want some of that good old mainstream shit.

Mfngh. I think I almost ended up crying while doing that. Baaaahhh!?!? Goddamn stupid girly hormones!

Currently:
1) The More You Ignore Me - The Smiths
2) Please Please Please - The Smiths
3) Slimcea Girl - Mono
4) Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine
5) Windy - Go Sailor

Today has been a good day. It's been a while since I've had good days. I think I'll have my moments but I've been crying for two weeks since you've left.

There's a part of me that wishes I could be this much in love with a person. Like how my mother was completely in love with my father.

Yet there's another part of me that realizes maybe this is a learned defense mechanism?

Last night I was bad again. I just can't seem to help it, but random sex with anonymous strangers makes me whole. Gives me a strange high I just can't get from anything else. Sex is a visceral experience for me.

I just - can't seem to get attached afterwards.

I think I tore my cervix. And there's probably a very good explanation to why I'm usually only attracted to Asian men.

BECAUSE MY PUSSY IS TOO SMALL OKAY DAMNIT!?!?!? GOSH DARN!?!? I JUST CAN'T HANDLE BIG COCK!?!?!?
*falls over and dies from laughter*

This is nice to remember what its like to laugh again.

In my mind, I've made up the first meeting a thousand times,
I wonder - have you ever thought about this too?

Maybe it's just me and my infatuation with your photography . . .
And the few times we've talked,
but I've always wondered.

I know. I'm just random like that. This is why I prefer imaginary men. They always seem to be perfect.

And if they aren't, I just don't want to know. Ignorance is bliss, but I'll continually live in a fantasy world.

2:11PM - *mopey mope mope*

Ugh. It's official. I'm in that official stage where I don't know if I want to stay single for the rest of my life, or if I just wanna find a nice boy to settle down with.

Why is it official?

I've been getting so many letters telling me that my friends are getting married, ARE married - or about to get married. -_-' WHY NOT ME DAMNIT?!!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!? GRRRR!?!??!

Sure I may be picky and bitchy and stuck up at times, but - you know, it's people's flaws that make them who they are, not some perfect human being that's got no history???

Going along with that agreement though, I just want a nice guy that makes me laugh . . . - I was watching Single in the City last night, and thinking to myself - Wow. I can't believe the shit I can get away with just cuz' I'm a girl! Is this really how bad dating is?"

I'm was a compulsive serial dater. I was NEVER single in my LIFE - this was before the boy. Right before the boy, I was single for a period of about 9 months - not entirely single, mind you - since I was still "technically" married, but single nonetheless.

SO! It was some random online guy who took me out of my cheating curve and my serial non-single status.

Two years later - I'm still psychotic and neurotic and I still ran away. *Albeit I didn't cheat on him like I normally would with my previous ex's*

SO! Now? I'm at a fork in the road yo. I'm a Taurean, I'm ruled by Venus - I NEED TO BE IN LOVE!?!!??!? Or do I?

I don't know, I think I just like to have somebody to go gaga over. I just want to like somebody, before I fall in love with them.

I have a problem falling for guys after I sleep with them. MUCH later after I sleep with them, which puts me in awkward positions.

This time. It's going to be different. This time, I've made up my mind to wait, and to see it out first before jumping the guy's bones yo.

I hope this makes me a little less insane and a little more mature. *Dear GOD I hope so!?!?*

6:13PM - So the single-list!!

I was cruising - NOT on Match.com but on MSN okay!?!?
And this article just happened to catch my eye - 10 Things Every Single Man Must Own . . . and I thought about it for a little while until I realized - MAYBE I SHOULD OWN THESE THINGS!??!?!

Nerf.

On the other hand - girls have all those things already *tee hee* silly Jackie! Tricks are for kids!

EDIT: Oh, I'm so stupid. They had a 10 Things Every Single Woman Must Own article too!?!? >_<

doh.

9:37PM - *i'm so broken . . . *

1) Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch
2) Stone - Cibo Matto
3) Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5
4) Sunday Morning - Maroon 5
5) Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

Currently listening to and crying over shamelessly. . . without a doubt.

I don't ever want to feel like this ever again. Ever ever ever . . . you know sometimes I say I revert back into my evil Jackie phase. It's not really evil, its just more like I'm in hibernation, waiting for my next prey so I can pounce.

But on the other hand, I also think it's because it's a defense mechanism. . . I don't really buy the advice of people who tell me 'just keep being a good person and they'll realize it.' - fuck that shit. take it or leave it.

Don't waste my fucking time.

11:07AM - Psychoneko!?

Tagged by Psychoneko
List five songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Etta James - At Last
2. Portishead - Glory Box
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
4. Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle
5. Gift Monotone - Love Is (Thai song)

baaahhh!! I don't know how to do this tagging-ish and I'm too lazy to!?

3:33PM - Missing you . . .

The song that I had to listen to you sing while waiting for you to answer the phone plays on repeat non-stop. I wish I could have been there that last night, but in a feat of desperation - and the lack of sex for the past three weeks - I opted for the French guy.

I remember us getting high on your balcony, and me spitting off it. The conversations we had and feeling like there could be nothing wrong in the world.

I called to talk to you while I was stuck in traffic, fearing that I wouldn't get to see you enough, I wanted to talk to you, so we could catch up. Too bad I only got to see you a few times. Thanks for listening, it meant a lot to me.

As we ascended to the 37th floor now was it? I was thinking how much we're alike and yet worlds apart. It's probably because we're both easily addicted to new people in our lives. Drinks with you was like being in New York, but cheaper. Thanks kiddo. Chin up okay?

I hadn't seen you in years, but buying me a birthday drink seemed to make licking your neck okay. Like you didn't enjoy it! Sorry I didn't get to see your girlfriend, maybe next time?

Well of all the motherfuckers - I can't believe you told me that guy has a massive cock. Now I can't stop thinking about that. I hope I get to see your ass stateside again soon. Don't charm too many girls now okay?

My darling muse, the ice cream and lunch was lovely - I hope to have a sleepover the next time I'm in town okay? I'm sure everything will turn out alright.Just trust me on this one.

I feel strange now, the way you talk about me isn't the same. I used to think that we'd never have feelings, but I suppose time changes things. She's not right for you - I think, she's a nice girl, but I'm protective of my big brother. It's a little weird how people keep trying to push us together.

You. You make everything okay at the end of the day, and you spoil me rotten - and I know it's okay. I plan to succeed, and only because of you I am here today. I don't have the words to say how much I love you, but you know - it's one of those unconditional things where we can only be together for so long until we start a squabble. Must be our similar personalities. I love you!

It's friends like these that make the world go round. Only this time, I didn't miss the lifestyle. It's the people I miss.

10:16PM - gosh darn it golly gee whillikers

The Miss Universe contest is being held here - RIGHT NOW!
Last night my mom was flipping through the channels and she paused cuz' she wanted to see Miss Venezuela - who's always gorgeous . . . and I protested LOUDLY - that these things are like those "Bathouse" style prostitute establishments.

Think about it. You've got a number, you're on display and in eye catching clothes.

Anyway - the MC last night kept on making mistake after mistake - I don't know if she was nervous or if she was just stupid - she just sounded stupid. Tonight's MC?? Yeah, no comprehension of English whatsoever - it's really annoying when you could have gotten better people who weren't famous to do a job properly in order to show how well developed your country is . . . BUT NOOOO!!! Dumbasses had to go the stupid route and politicize everything.

Aiya.

Speaking of which - I WOULD LIKE TO SAY - The BTS monorail system employment at the Mo Chit station needs improvement.

WHY?

I was harassed for about 15 minutes today regarding my pass - WHICH THEY SOLD TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE AFTER CHECKING MY ID AND STUDENT ID - for not using the right pass.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

GRRRRRR!! This is why I absofuckinglutely hate it here. To make matters worse - the chick at the Foreign Affairs proceeded to piss me off even more by suggesting such absurd solutions to solve my missing passport problems.

I fucking love Thailand yo.

Sometimes I wonder - maybe this is why the entire freakin' country is still third world. It's the people.

11:16AM - It's like whoa . . .

Okay, so I've been meaning to update - but it's been just an entire whirlwind of craziness lately . . . let me see. . .

Friday - I went shopping (again), went out to get my nails done (yes, I indulge in the craziness of insanely difficult to use acrylic nails every once in a while) and went to see the dentist. Left my mother and went to Starbucks on Soi Convant, where I was met by a jubilated and very single Art. We all went out to Home on Silom Soi 4 with Nokkies and a few of her friends from Thammasart, Art and Ply (whom I FINALLY got to meet) came by and I got pretty trashed as belated birthday drinks were bought . . . my 'little' came by as well and bought be a birthday shot (thanks Champ!) Nokkies drove me home and I stayed up talking to my mom about everything that happened.

Saturday - Went to meet up with Pippa (AKA TeazOr) at the Au Bon Pan near her house, amazingly enough - though 4 years has passed, it still feels the same, I went to hang out with her at her house and met her cute friend Jin. Then they were off to the Modern Dog concert and dropped me off near Thong Lor so I could go meet up with Annie and Al and Nok. (Albeit this is rather embarrassing to admit, I really don't give a shit . . ) SO YES I got lost. WHAHAHAH! I couldn't find the place for a little while, and you know - I thought, okay - I usually walk everywhere on campus, I'll walk to find this place.
I walked for about 1/2 and hour.

Yeah.

ANYWAY - It was really really nice to catch up with Annie and even got to see Daniel! Hanging out with Annie and Nok was like being back in high school - ahhh, fond memories.

Pippa and Jin came back to pick me up, but since it was one of those Buddhist holidays we had to call it an early night.

Aww crap . . I gotta go again?!?!

5:13PM - So I was in a quizzical mood. . . .

Your Birthdate: May 14

With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it. You have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

NO kidding. Shirking responsibility is something I do well.

You Are 55% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

You'd think. I can't believe that I scored THAT high on normalcy-ness!!

Mnfngh. What is it about boys?
It's like the immediate second they get a whiff that you're seeing somebody, they INSTANTLY flock to you - eventhough they haven't been attracted to you before, or they were and forgot about you, I SWEAR!! Me and this silly grin this new boy gives me has been like some sort of strange magnet for new weirdos and old psychos to come out of the woodwork

I'm not talking just ONE either, it's like a freakin' BOATLOAD?!?!

RAWRRRRR?!?!?!?!

I'm so PMS-ing. Sorry for the rant. T-minus one week and counting. Read the diaryland to see why I'm wigging out.

Yeah. Laziness ensues.

10:30PM - because distance is good . .

Yeah, okay - now I realize I have issues with commitment.

But the PREVIOUS entry's drama has been resolved. Whew! That wasn't so bad yeah? Yeah. We both apologized and made up. No kiddin'.

Anyway - it's another all nighter in this crazily insane library setting. Yeargh!

Wish me luck! Two more weeks of class and one week of exams! WHEEEE!!

* on an offhanded note - I've got this silly Natalie song stuck in my head. I don't know why . . . but yeah, my friends have been teasing me about listening to sappy mushy songs yo.

This shit ain't good. Unless I'm going to be willing to admit - I got it bad.*

11:19AM - crazy ass bitches

You know - sometimes I wonder if I'm REALLY such a cruel and cold hearted biatch like people say I am?

When it comes down to it, I'm just you know - moody, emotionally unstable and yeah - I'll say whatever's on my mind.
Why am I venting? Cuz' my perfectly nice Sunday morning has been rudely interrupted by some immature college kids with nothing else better to do than to focus on so-and-so's saying this and namby pamby ass lameness.

The only problem is - so-and-so happens to be ME, and you know what I always say - Drama's only funny if you're not involved!

To make a long story short - the guy I was previously dating (for about a week? I'd say?) - has psycho friends, is psycho, needs to grow the fuck up, and let things go. (Cuz' you know it ain't worth it to cry over spilled milk!) Needs to explain situations within context when talking to other people about these things, and has to OWE UP to being the initially accusatory party in the first place.

WHAT THE FUCK?!!??! GRRRRR!!!

Like, there's probably a reason why his ex's don't talk to him anymore - so why is it that all my ex's still talk to me?
EXACTLY!

You know - my horoscope for this week said for me to remove ugly things from my life, I just didn't know it was going to be a person. (Then again, I've been accused of objectification so I GUESS IT IS an OBJECT anyway?! WHOO!)

Bah. I'm too lazy to get pissed off, that's how lazy I am. Looking at this - i'm probably just going to go out for coffee vent it out with a friend and laugh my ass off.

Why? Cuz' I'm too lazy to get worked up over stupid shit yo. -_-' *tee hee*

1:51AM - because I was curious . . .

meow meow meow meow meow. i'm super eclectic when it comes to music like that yo.

*He said to me, I make him laugh* . . . he's an ex-metro, and watches Sex and The City.
How hot is that?
Very.

So, my attempt at hula dancing went well tonight, no coconut shells and grass skirts for me, but I DO say, being the LEI girl was kind of hot.

I've also realized that instead of rushing to go out to the hottest clubs, I've been hanging out and having girl talk over a few good cocktails, or a cup of good coffee - must be cuz' there's a new boy on my mind?
I dunno.

I've also decided that 'drug-dealer boy' is no more than a good party buddy. He's always calling at 1 am to see what I'm up to . . .ergh.

*We're averaging about 12 text messages a day, and lately it's been about an hour in phone call time*
Last night ended up being an hour and a half, the only thing is - he had his friends over the ENTIRE time, but didn't tell me. AIYA!
So I shooed him off and gave him shit for neglecting his friends. An HOUR AND A HALF indeed!

12:20AM

Stolen from Lhdakine

*who stole it from ANNA!

Your LJ Horror Movie (you are the main target in the movie) by shard_of_truth
Username
the storyteller	edutainment
the first to get killed	eddie_joe
the virgin	amietron
the one having sex when killed	suzywoozy
the given "nude shot"	akaliko
the given "gore death scene"	tennyo
the one thought as the killer but isn't	kyouka
the one framed as the killer but isn't	drsaddam
the screamer	sangwich
the humorous one	lhdakine
the killer/monster	teaz0r
Quiz created with MemeGen!

i was the killer on his thingamabob yo.

11:55PM - i don't like this shit yo . . .

So . . . the previous entry.
It has become a public known fact that the University of Arizona is firing the Director of the Asian American student affairs center.

I don't know if its only a matter of time until they try to get rid of everything else completely, but you know - it's something that could happen?

Next up on the agenda . . .
I was in the freakin' hospital for some weird virus thing I apparently got last week, so in spite of my hiatus, I was NOT dilligently being the stereotypical Asian studying my ass off. Noooo, I was stuck in the freakin' bed and getting my arms shot up with needles and Codine-d in la la land.

But I'm okay now.

AND - to make things worse, my FATHER of all people kept calling me endlessly to attempt to talk to me while I was sick. Okay, I get it. He cares but you know what - I WAS SICK!?!? ARRRGGGHHH!?!!!??!

Then the weirdest things have been happening to me.

1) While I was in the hospital, this boy I had a 'one nighter' with last Halloween called me up and asked me what I was up to. He then proceeded to come to the hospital, hold my hand, spend the morning with me and take me out to lunch. *then we proceeded to have hot sweaty monkey sex with his GINORMOUS penis. thank you very much. it was SO good to get laid!*

And then, get this - he says to me, "hey the only reason why I didn't ask for your number last time was cuz' you said you had commitment issues, so I didn't want to scare you away by coming on to you, you know? But, I really like you."

Me: *dumbfounded look on face with nothing intelligent to say - watched him get up to get me a glass of water and prop up my pillows*

We've been talking, but I keep telling him, "we're 100 miles away" (My last relationship with The Boy in LA has ended because I just need a REALLY REALLY SHORT LEASH!)

2) Today, I came home to a package with my father's handwriting and address on it. I thought he had done it! Sent me a bomb to get rid of me once and for all - but no. It was a cardigan twinset.

My father's gone bonkers yo.
I don't know how to accept this strangely early birthday present from him because it's not something he would usually do.

I think he wants something. Forgiveness. Repent? SCREW THAT!?!? I hope he burns in HELL! *RAWR!*

This is the wrath of Jackie. Fear it!

1:43AM - help . . . i need somebody . . .

help.

I'm asking the general public that is reading this to PLEASE SEND HELP!?!? I have to be vague about it right now because it's not official, but let me just say that something very near and dear to me is about to be taken away.

If you are a human being with a caring sense of self, HELP!? If you are a minority student, especially Asian American or African American - this affects you directly. HELP!?
Where is there any justice in the world when all we have fought for so long is now being taken away from us?
Can I just also give a big - WHAT THE FUCK!? To the administrators, faculty and professors that are idly standing by?

Whatever happened to revolution? Whatever happenened to social justice and good causes?

WHAT THE FUCK IS ARIZONA THINKING?!?! AARRRRGGGGHHHHHH?!!??!
AND WHY THE FUCK CAN'T KIDS CARE NOWADAYS?!?!?!?!

*livid. i'm so fucking livid.*

if you'd like to see more candid jackie craziness - see here